I’m an Athlete

The way I figure it… well, the way my doctor figures it… I should weigh about 170 pounds. She’s crazy. I haven’t weighed 170 since 1982.

Back then, I was a freshman in college and I was on the meal plan. I could eat as much as I wanted pretty much whenever I wanted. Yet I managed to lose 11 pounds that year.

The eggs were always cold and runny, the pizza was made with Bisquick and paste, and while a lot of things in life taste like chicken, their chicken didn’t.

The cooks were rumored to be out on work release from the local prison… but I doubt that because if those guys cooked like that in prison they’d get shanked in the courtyard by, well, everyone.

Today I weigh 255 pounds, that’s 85 pounds more than I should. The most I have ever weighed was 276 and that was about a year ago.

People say I’m too negative. I suppose I could be positive about this and figure that most people aren’t fit enough to carry around 85 pounds all day. Hell, I’m an athlete!

(Tell that to my poor heart!)

Anyway, in just a few days I’m going to devise a plan of attack and start shedding this weight. Liposuction, bulimia and starvation are out of the question but anything else goes. I might even try some of those “outside the box” strategies like exercising, eating less and giving up beer.

Gasp!

So until the end of the weekend, it’s binge city, baby! Yeah!