Basketball, Wrestling & Dieting

It’s nearing the end of basketball season, which means it’s playoff time. Me, I could care less about basketball. I’m a football fan. (Go Skins!)

I’ve been to my share of basketball games in my life but the sport is so damned monotonous that within two minutes of tip-off I’m wandering around the arena looking for hot dogs and beer. They only let you buy two beers at a time so it’s usually a good strategy to start in the parking lot first.

For some reason food always tastes better at a stadium. I think it’s the electric atmosphere of the game that adds to the enjoyment. Then again, it could just be your brain trying to convince your stomach that you just spent $9 on a cold hot dog on a stale bun so this had better be the best damn cold hot dog on a stale bun you’ve ever had.

I’m dieting so why do I bring this up? Because of professional wrestling of course!

It turns out that there was some controversy this week over basketball and the WWE. The NBA has scheduled a playoff game in Denver next Monday night. That wouldn’t be news except that the owner of the Denver team had so little faith in his players making it to the playoffs that he double-booked the arena with a wrestling telecast.

To make a long story short, the owner of the Denver Nuggets told the WWE that they’re going to have to find another place for their live Monday night show, WWE RAW.

Well, that didn’t sit well with the owner of the WWE. He suggested that the two owners have a steel cage match to see who gets the arena that night.

Now that’s out of the box thinking! I like his style! It reminds me of the way us rednecks settle things in the back woods of Virginia:

First, get both parties together and get them rip roaring drunk at which point they shoot a completely uninvolved third party. They bury the body in a conspicuous place and, before leaving the scene, drop their wallets nearby. Soon afterwords, one party will return to the scene and ask an investigating officer if a wallet has been found. After being arrested, the party will drift between 17 different versions of the story starting with “I wasn’t even there” to “The boy needed killin’”. He will eventually finger the other suspect and the arresting begins. The families of the two assailants will meet in front of a mobile home and the young men will begin fighting. At this point, the women will begin “wrecking hairdo’s and manicures” and the young men will become involved with separating the ladies. The older men will sit in lawn chairs, drink beer and discuss the sexual utility of a good bitchfight (”Tellerwhat boys, I’m harder than Chinese arithmetic!”). The case will go to trial. The prosecutor will attempt to prove the guilt of the defendants while the Defense attorney will try to confuse the jury into a state of paralysis. At the end of three days, it will be determined that the victim is indeed dead and the trial will go to the jury. After a few hours, a juror will remember that he and one of the defendants “have the same momma” and a mistrial will be declared. If no one speaks for the victim, the court will decide the boy did indeed need killin’ and the case will be dropped.

Now that’s justice.

Anyway, what’s the point of all this? Well, I like to eat peanuts while watching my sporting events and peanuts are South Beach Diet approved. So that’s what basketball and wrestling have to do with dieting.

(How’s that for a remarkable recovery?)